Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Career-wise, Mariah Carey is almost as powerful as she's ever been: She's established enough that people are going to buy her music, even if her first single is a response to an Eminem insult and it's 2009; She has her own perfume line that people actually buy (apparently some people want to smell like an 8-octave range and Sanrio); I'm pretty sure she owns the rights to all the butterfly images in North America; And she's getting good reviews for her light-mustache acting in Precious.

Basically, Mariah Carey can do whatever she wants. And now, almost as if to prove it, she's released a video for a cover of Foriegner's "I Wanna Know What Love Is" that is so corny it's almost magical. Really, it's breathtaking. There are moments in the following video where children look at their parents, where friends look at friends, where a random patient looks at her orderly/possible lover, and they scream with their eyes, "Holy shit! Can this really be happening?" But it is happening, because Mariah made it happen. 

Does anyone want a Mariah Carey cover of "I Wanna Know What Love Is"? Doubtful. But Mariah wants it, and what Mariah wants, dammit, Mariah will get.  

In case you're wondering, the reason everything is moving so slowly during this incredible baseball stadium Mariah inspire-a-thon is because the stadium was filled with invisible Velveeta right before they started shooting.


Still, as cheesy as this video for an already cheesy song is, I'm sure Mariah wanted it even cheesier. No doubt the director had to explain to Mariah countless times that, no, a pink teddy bears n' stars wipe doesn't make the whole thing that much more emotional. Actually, it has the opposite effect.

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