Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Apparently Maxim–you may know it as that magazine with lots of boobs, but no nipples–doesn't have the strict editorial rules that many other upstanding publications do: The magazine reviewed the upcoming Black Crowes record after hearing just one song. The band, understandably, was a little pissed, and issued this angry statement about it.

As an exercise, I am going to write a review of the record without even hearing one song, and I'm going to do it in five minutes. Here goes:

The Black Crowes

Warpaint

(Silver Arrow)

The Black Crowes have always been essentially a cover band, but one that recreates an era rather than simply recreating that era's songs. Time-warping white guys with a propensity for pot smoking and bell bottoms, they naturally found a willing audience for which to boogie-woogie. Warpaint, the band's first album in seven years, offers more of the same ear- and hip-friendly nonsense that the children of hippies will eat up, provided they haven't moved onto Dave Matthews permanently. It's not half-bad, which also means it's barely half good–totally listenable, but ultimately forgettable. Power-ballad "Evergreen" ("You see what I mean / Take one for the team / Evergreen") could be the song that gets the Crowes back on the radio, though, and if they can find a hit there, then shimmy-shakers like "Movin' On Down The Line" and "Whoa Mule" could follow suit. "Locust Street," with is massively catchy refrain ("That's where I found the beat / Locust Street") could play anywhere from stadiums to dingy bars–and it's tough to say where Black Crowes belong at this point. Grade: C.

That was sort of fun. Have a good weekend, and please remember: Friends don't let friends review records without listening to them.

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