As we enter the holiday season, there’s one song you’re almost guaranteed to hear no matter who you are, where you live, or what you do: The Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s version of “Carol Of The Bells.” For reasons passing understanding, this heavy-metal Muzak has become a beloved yuletide staple, with kids and septuagenarians alike basking in its churning, head-banging wake. In light of this omnipresent tune, The A.V. Club would like to offer a rebuttal, breaking down the song into its flimsy component parts, and exposing it for what it is—namely, a clunky, cheesy slice of distorted Velveeta. O stop, you merry gentlemen.

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