Our friends over at Dark Matter Coffee were kind enough to help us make it through the busy holiday season by sending us five bags of coffee. Because we at The A.V. Club believe in spreading the holiday cheer—but also in murdering adorable puppets—we’re giving away 12-ounce bags of Black Blood coffee to five lucky readers. Black Blood coffee is a collaboration with Mastodon, and… well, we can’t really top what Dark Matter has to say about it:
The year is 2420, techno-organic life forms rule the earth, the cyborg Mastodon seeks vengeance against the Clovis people for the genocide of his kind. The terrestrial leviathan fuels himself with Black Blood, as he prepares to enter the time portal known as the Dark Matter Machine.
Through the power vested in Black Blood, the Mastodon shall reclaim its throne of world domination. Dark Matter Coffee™ and Mastodon are ecstatic to present this colossal coffee, Black Blood. It is composed of our infamous Unicorn Blood aged in Basil Hayden’s Bourbon Whiskey barrels. Black Blood will be available in 12oz bags, limited to 3000 world wide.
Notes: Dark Chocolate, Oak
* Basil Hayden® Bourbon is the trademark of Jim Beam Brands Co. and is used with permission. Jim Beam Brands Co. does not sponsor, authorize or otherwise endorse Dark Matter or this product
So if you need a little pick-me-up to beat the morning blues, or to combat the onset of crippling aqua dementia, send an email to [UPDATED: Contest is now closed.] with “A.V. Club” in the subject line. Here’s the fine print: The contest is open between November 25 and December 9. Winners will be selected by December 10 and the beans will be sent out by December 12, so that’s one less depraved but sleepy metalhead to shop for. Dark Matter is giving away five 12-ounce bags, one of which will be autographed by all four members of Mastodon. Entering the contest will sign you up for Dark Matter’s email list, but they’ve promised not to sell your address, spam you, or turn your guts into snakes. Open to coffee addicts/time-traveling mad monks worldwide. Split your lungs with blood, thunder, and delicious caffeinated beverage this holiday season.